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Clemens “Speaks” Belichick

by Jodie Lynn Boduch on February 8th, 2008

Since Roger Clemens and Bill Belichick are more fun than at least three barrels of monkeys (each), we thought we’d add a fourth barrel via a pretend Q & A with The Rocket.

The catch? All the answers by “Roger Clemens” are actually quotes from the Bill Belichick telecon a few days after the New England Patriots became dead to us lost the Super Bowl (possibly due to the red hoodie).  

Gossip on Sports: How many HGH injections did you take over the past few years?

Roger Clemens as Bill Belichick: “It takes a lot to get to this point, but we’re starting all over in the new ‘08 season and it’s already time to move on.”

GoS: You once said you didn’t give a rodent’s tush (i.e., a rat’s a**) about the Hall of Fame. What else don’t you give a rat’s a** about?

RC as BB: “I think that applies to pretty much everything.”

GoS: As a Red Sox traitor former member of the New York Yankees, do you blame Joe Torre for the team’s posteason loss against the Cleveland Indians?

RC as BB: “Like I feel about every game, there is always room to improve and coach better, and I’m sure that all the players that participated in the game feel the same way . . .”

GoS: Given your age and the um, ”proof” Brian McNamee claims to have about your steroid use, how would you assess your career at this point?

RC as BB: “It’s pretty much over. Time to move on. I’m not going to sit here and dwell on anything good or bad. It’s over.”

You heard it here first, folks.

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