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Awarding Olympic Medals to Athlete-Celebrity Couples

by Jodie Lynn Boduch on August 8th, 2008

In honor of the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympic Games in Beijing, we decided to award a few medals of our own. The event is Athlete-Celebrity Couples, and they will be judged on Hotness, Likability, and Endurance Potential (each category is worth 10 points; a perfect score would be 30 points).

In no particular order: 

Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly
Hotness: 9.7  Pretty boy + cutie pie=A darn respectable score. 
Likability: 9.0 She OK but hey, he’s a member of the New York Yankees. We’re Boston Red Sox fans. ‘Nuff said.
Endurance Potential: 4.6 Playboy boy + cutie pie=A good time had by all. For a few months anyway.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen
Hotness: 9.9 Brady is a doll. Gisele is a supermodel (but we docked her .1  ’cause we think she’s overrated. So there).
Likability: 9.2 We’re all about the New England Patriots, but that Bridget Moynihan baby mama situation was U-G-L-Y. And does anyone really have a sense of Gisele’s personality, anyway?
Endurance Potential: 8.1 These two are jet setters and a paparazzo’s dream, but together forever? Meh, we doubt it.

Marko Jaric and Adriana Lima
Hotness: 9.6 She’s a Victoria’s Secret model (better than Gisele!) and he’s not shabby, either.
Likability: 9.6 She’s a od girl and he’s a good sport.
Endurance Potential: 8.8 They’re engaged, but they haven’t been in the game quite a year yet. We shall see.

David Beckham and Victoria Beckham
Hotness: 9.8 Men’s Health cover boy Beck gets a perfect score; points off for Victoria’s grumpy no-smile policy.
Likability: 9.1 We repeat: Beck gets a perfect score; points off for Victoria’s grumpy no-smile policy.
Endurance Potential: 9.6 They’re solid here, having weathered rumored affairs and dealing with the media. That smokin’ photo shoot they did last year was pretty convincing, too.  

Tony Parker and Eva Longoria
Hotness: 9.7 He’s not too bad and she’s an absolute doll, even with the weight gain and haircut for Desperate Housewives.
Likability: 9.8 He’s a good guy and, TMI tendencies aside, Eva sparkles.
Endurance Potential: 9.4 They’ve survived the rumor mill and crazy schedules. We never say forever in celebrity-land, but they’re A-OK for now.

Dion Phaneuf and Elisha Cuthbert
Hotness: 9.9 No complaints here. Even Elisha likes to check out her own rack.
Likability: 8.3 Maybe if Elisha’s character on 24 hadn’t become so annoying after season 1, we’d give them a higher score.
Endurance Potential: 4.5 Sorry, but PDA aside, Elisha goes through hockey players the way Paris Hilton goes through BFFs. 

Andy Roddick and Brooklyn Decker
Hotness: 9.8 She’s a swimsuit model and he’s a cutie, too, even if we do wish he’d ditch the baseball cap.
Likability: 9.7 We don’t really know her. We do, however, appreciate Andy’s great sense of humor and self-deprecating manner.
Endurance Potential: 8.6 They recently got engaged, but we can’t score them too highly. She’s only 19 and “time will tell” fits these two best.

Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson
Hotness: 9.6 She’s easy on the eyes with classic good looks. He’s not as hot as Tom Brady but is much better looking than Peyton Manning and his putzy little brother, Eli.
Likability: 8.7 Serious deductions here thanks to Jessica’s cheesiness and whining about what people read about her. Further points taken off for her claims to be just like the rest of us.
Endurance Potential: 7.3 Rumors abound about the status of their relationship, which has had more ups and downs than a shot glass in a Warsaw bar. Even if they tie the knot—another source of they will/they won’t rumors—we don’t see it as a forever kind of thing.

Mike Comrie and Hilary Duff
Hotness: 9.4 Decent, but they don’t exactly fog up the camera lens when a shutterbug catches them together.
Likability: 9.7 HD’s long-standing reputation as a good girl is appealing, and the recent interview we read in Allure confirms it. He seems like an OK guy.
Endurance Potential: 8.9 He bought her a Mercedes for her birthday last year, and the Duffster isn’t a serial dater. But forever AND ever?

Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian*
Hotness: 9.0 Reggie is fine. As for Kim, we don’t care what anyone says. We like curves, but her tush is not as great as she thinks it is.
Likability: 8.4 Again, Reggie is fine. Kim’s responsible for the point dip, between a why-does-she-even-have-it reality show and head-scratching fashion choices.
Endurance Potential: 7.6 They appear to fall in that “it’s fun for now” category rather than the “togethah forevah” one.

* Sadly, we had to include these two, despite our reluctance to refer to Kim Kardashian as a “celebrity.” If Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson hadn’t taken the Last Train to Splitsville recently, they would have been contenders instead.

Quiet, please. The judge is tallying the scores.

And the winners are . . .

GOLD: Tony Parker and Eva Longoria

SILVER: David and Victoria Beckham

BRONZE: Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen

Congratulations to the winners! Everyone else: Better luck in four years. If you’re still a couple.

**************

In the mood for a contest? Check out our post on the Samsung Fun Club summer promotion!

Photo credit: Newscom

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